Rifts Are Strange Things
by thecolouryes
Summary: A series of drabbles, like "Five More Minutes", this time with the Torchwood Team, both Welsh and American at different times . 2 NEW: "Ice Cream" "Philadelphia"
1. Don't I Know You?

**Rifts Are Strange Things**

**A Torchwood General/Humor Fanfic**

**Summary:  
**_**A series of drabbles, like "Five More Minutes", this time with the Torchwood Team.**_

**Rated K for nothing bad, yet, but I might bump it up to K+ seeing as this is Torchwood.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. I am not that mean, to leave us the way he did.**

**A/N: I couldn't resist. Really, I couldn't. I know, you out there could all argue with me that Torchwood is a spin-off of Doctor Who, so I could just shove it in with FMM. I won't, though. This'll include exclusively the Torchwood 3 team, and maybe Martha – 'cause she's canon in Torchwood. The Doctor is too, technically, but these'll mostly take place in Cardiff anyways.**

**Chapter 1: Don't I Know You? (100 words)**

The rift in time and space that ran through the city of Cardiff opened up and out fell a teenage girl. Luckily enough for her, she appeared in a secret, underground base of an institute that happened to know exactly what was going on.

Brushing herself off, she got to her feet and was greeted by a man who looked like he'd just stepped out of the 1940s. Something about her seemed familiar, but he couldn't quite place it.

"Don't I know you?" he asked. She gave him a deathly glare.

"Yeah," she said.

And shot him in the forehead.

**A/N: Woot! I would **_**totally**_** travel through space and time and fall through a rift in time and space just to shoot Jack in the forehead. The good news is I think that's taken care of my anger at him 'cause I don't want to kill him anymore!**


	2. Duct Tape

**Rifts Are Strange Things**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. I am not that mean, to leave us the way he did.**

**A/N: This idea I got from a fanfic. It was just one (rather insignificant) line in a fanfic written by cjh4ever, whose stuff I'm really becoming a fan of. **

**Chapter 2: Duct Tape (100 words)**

"Has anyone seen Ianto?" Jack called through the hub. The strange teenager who refused to leave suddenly snorted loudly. The four adults in the room turned to look at her.

"What did you do?" Gwen asked warily. The teen laughed, then pulled a picture out of her pocket. It showed the SUV, with the words "I WAS HERE" written in duct tape on the side.

"You didn't..." Tosh began.

"Good job!" Owen congratulated, patting her on the back.

"So _where_ is he?" asked Jack, not having seen the picture.

"He's been scraping duct tape off for well over two hours."

**A/N: Heh.**

**Speaking of duct tape, my friend's boyfriend has a car that's completely held together by the stuff.**


	3. To Do List

**Rifts Are Strange Things**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. I am not that mean, to leave us the way he did.**

**A/N: This was **_**also**_** from a fanfic by cjh4ever. I should stop reading their stuff. No I shouldn't; it's giving me inspiration.**

**Chapter 3: To-Do List (100 words)**

Having an insane amount of energy (probably as a result of the fact that she'd switched her half-caff coffee with Jack's super-extra-double-dark-with some added caffeine on the side coffee), the teenager skipped about the Hub, bored out of her mind and without anyone to bother.

She came across Ianto, who was writing something down on a notepad while he brewed Jack another cup of coffee.

"Whacha doin'?" she asked, leaned over the notepad to see. She read it upside down.

"You don't have a dog," she commented. "Or a toaster oven. Or a – who's Shelby?"

**A/N: This was random and strange and doesn't even make any sense to me.**

**Oh well.**


	4. Sleep

**Rifts Are Strange Things**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. I am not that mean, to leave us the way he did.**

**A/N: Need I say where the inspiration for this came from? Actually, I don't know how this popped into my head, but probably because I was exhausted.**

**Chapter 4: Sleep (100 words)**

"Do you need to sleep?" Jack looked up from the miniscule bit of paperwork he did to see the teenager standing in front of his desk.

"What do you think?" he answered.

"That's the thing; I don't know," she answered. "You eat and drink, so you're not like semi-dead Owen. Then again, the Doctor eats and drinks but we practically never see him sleep. It's practically become accepted as canon that he doesn't need to, at least not as much as humans. But you're human, or you were. But you can't die. So do you not sleep?"

"Not alone."

**A/N: Heh, the ending makes me smile. I wanted to make some sort of reference to that in what I was saying, but it didn't work. So I let Jack do it instead.**


	5. Lucky Plant

**Rifts Are Strange Things**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. I am not that mean, to leave us the way he did.**

**A/N: So I was working on a fic I'm beta-ing (anyone need one? I'm not stuffed to the gills yet) and I was describing how Jack flirts with anything that moves. So this popped into my head. I was then bothered by it because I picture it on the TARDIS, but it's about Jack. So I shoved it a little and made it (slightly) something else.**

**Chapter 5: Lucky Plant (100 words)**

Walking past the Captain's office, the random teenager paused. She could have _sworn_ she heard faint mumbling. A quick glance around the Hub told her that Gwen was looking something up, Tosh was experimenting with some alien artifact, Owen was doing an autopsy, and Ianto was making them all coffee. No one had come in earlier in the day to meet with the Captain, so she couldn't find an excuse for his talking. There wasn't a living soul in the room.

Just to be sure, she peeked into his work space.

"Captain Jack Harkness, are you flirting with a _plant_?!"

**A/N: Now do you get why it's called "Lucky Plant"? XD**


	6. Angel and Devil

**Rifts Are Strange Things**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. I am not that mean, to leave us the way he did.**

**A/N: I imagined this actually happening to me the other day. Wrote it down yesterday, didn't have time to type and upload it until today.**

**Chapter 6: Angel and Devil (100 words)**

"Looking good," commented the miniature of the man who couldn't die.

"I'll say," agreed the girl with the small figures on her shoulders. The one on her left turned to watch the girl he'd noticed earlier. The one on her right sighed in her ear.

"We have slightly more pressing matters on our hands," said the model alien who changed his face on her right.

"She's got a nice bum, too," noted the other. The girl he stood on cuffed him with her hand, which was almost as big as he was, but laughed anyway.

"You are incredibly single-minded."

**A/N: Yup! I got a Jack-Devil and Doctor-Angel on my shoulders.**


	7. Unsecret Secret Organization

**Rifts Are Strange Things**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. I am not that mean, to leave us the way he did.**

**A/N: I get inspiration in the weirdest places. Like a fanfic I'm beta-ing. There was this one line... anywho.**

**Chapter 7: Unsecret Secret Organization (100 words)**

"You're the most unsecret secret organization ever," the strange girl from a parallel dimension noted.

"What?" replied the man who couldn't die, who was wondering why she was following him around.

"You. Are. The. Most. Un. Secret. Secret. Organization. Ever," she repeated.

"Yes, and?"

"Don't you think that's a bit of an identity problem?" she asked, giving him a look. "Shouldn't you try to be a _secret_ secret organization? Just _maybe_?"

"The authorities were quite mad the last time we pumped the water supply full of Retcon."

"How long did it take them to figure out?" He shrugged.

"Seven years?"

**A/N: Don't you agree that Torchwood abso-bloody-lutely fails at being a secret organization too?**


	8. Nocter

**Rifts Are Strange Things**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. I am not that mean, to leave us the way he did.**

**A/N: I was reading a fanfic where Jack lost his memory. Then, the team giving a huge group of people Retcon made me think of this.**

**Chapter 8: Nocter (100 words)**

A loud boom called Owen back to the med center. There, the teenager – who clearly had no idea what she was doing – was messing around with some alien chemicals. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he demanded.

"Creating Nocter."

"Nocter?"

"Yup!"

"What the hell is that?"

"Like Retcon only backwards," she answered as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"What's the use of that?"

"In case someone loses their memory."

"Do you have _any_ idea what you're doing?" She grinned.

"Absolutely none!" Her concoction made another loud bang, as if to emphasize her point.

**A/N: Huh, I just realized that Owen – in this case – only talks in questions. Interesting.**


	9. Tongues

**Rifts Are Strange Things**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. I am not that mean, to leave us the way he did.**

**A/N: FINALLY THOUGHT OF ANOTHER ONE! This is utterly and completely pointless (aren't they all?), but I wanted to write it. Also, it's a poem, instead of a technical drabble. Sorry. I guess I was just in more of a poetic mood. I also have the beginning ideas of a real poem for this fandom. And maybe, if I get some inspiration, I'll write a REAL drabble for this.**

**However, it IS a 100-word poem.**

**Chapter 9: Tongues (100 words)**

finally,  
he looks up.

she  
has been staring at him–  
with her tongue out  
_(very mature)  
_–for hours  
(he guesses.  
after all  
it's not like she has a _job_ here  
or something).

in retaliation  
he  
(stooping to her level)  
sticks his tongue out at her.  
she  
simply smiles,  
as though  
she knew  
such an act  
was inevitable.

she closes her mouth  
_(finally)  
_and swallows.  
then,  
she takes a drink  
from the mug  
of half-caff,  
double-strength,  
total redundancy  
coffee  
that doesn't,  
actually,  
help her thirst.

bored  
of her shenanigans,  
he looks away.

then  
she stops,  
and selects  
a new target.


	10. Ice Cream

**Rifts Are Strange Things**

**Disclaimer:****So they got the country right, but not the person. Closer, RTD, but still not anywhere close enough. I'll just hunt you down with some Ianto fangirls...**

**A/N: So I swear this wasn't intended the drabble it turned out to be. Also, this is somewhere after the beginning of Miracle Day (ie. Torchwood coming to America) but otherwise could be anywhere. And yes, I changed the disclaimer.**

**Chapter 10: Ice Cream (100 words)**

"Please?" she begged.

"No."

"Please? It's not far..."

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"I'll stop bugging you for a while."

He frowned, seriously considering her offer. "How long is a while?"

She shrugged. "A while."

"No."

"Come on, Jack, _please_?"

"No! I said no, and that's final."

"You're not my dad."

"No, but you've put yourself into my care."

Damn. She couldn't argue with that. "This is _my_ country, and as an American citizen, I have the right to–"

The look he gave her made it clear he wasn't buying it.

Fine. She would sneak out for ice cream, then.


	11. Philadelphia

**Rifts Are Strange Things**

**Disclaimer:****So they got the country right, but not the person. Closer, RTD, but still not anywhere close enough. I'll just hunt you down with some Ianto fangirls...**

**A/N: Okay, so **_**this**_** wasn't the drabble I was trying to write, either. Looks like that one just isn't happening. This one's a bit more serious.**

**Chapter 11: Philadelphia (100 words)**

The Miracle Day fiasco was over and done with, the bad guys caught, the alien tech repossessed, and the Torchwood Hub being slowly rebuilt.

Or it would be, as soon as they figured out a city.

"Philadelphia."

Rex, Esther, Gwen, and Jack stared at their fifth tag-along member who wasn't even a legal adult yet and was attempting to dictate their moves better than the once more immortal Jack.

"I mean come on, if _I_ managed to end up in a parallel Cardiff because I fell through a Rift in _my_ Philadelphia, who's to say there isn't one here?"


End file.
